


Merry Christmas

by SamsuZee



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akira not Ren, Akira x Ryuji, Angst, Emptiness, End Game Spoilers, Fluff, Longing, M/M, akiryu, christmas day, feeling alone, i don’t know how to do good tags, last palace, someone help this poor gay ;-;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:37:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamsuZee/pseuds/SamsuZee
Summary: The Phantom Thieves thought thier past battles were tough, but they haven’t a clue of what to do now. [MAJOR END GAME SPOILERS] They all assumed that Shido’s palace would be thier home stretch to freedom but now the Phantom Thieves find themselves not only facing all of Tokyo’s mentality, but the physical collection of it all. Thier morals are low and Ryuji desperately clings onto the few things he has left: his spirit, his friends and his boyfriend, but when all of this is ripped from his grasp he’s left empty and alone.





	Merry Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so first of all  
> Hi this is my first actual time posting to AO3 (´• ͜ʖ •`)  
> I’m used to Wattpad but whatever  
> Sorry in advance about any spelling errors :/ I make a lot of typos that go unnoticed.
> 
> So, Incase you didn’t read the bold letters before:  
> THERE’S A LOT OF SPOILERS!  
> so if you haven’t finished the game, anime (I know the anime isn’t done yet but whatever) or otherwise and you don’t wanna see spoilers DON’T CONTINUE!  
> To everyone else: thanks for checking this out and I really hope you enjoy (◠ ͜ʖ◠)  
> P.s. while posting this there was a lot of errors and some parts got affected and possibly deleted so just a heads up  
> Xx Samsu~

Ryuji's voice was caught in his throat as he stared up at the tall, presumably metal ornament in front of the group. The stagnant air of the depths of Mementos was tiring to be around and difficult to deal with, though his discomfort was immediately forgotten as the group tried to figure out just what was the monument. Ryuji's eyes flickered between both the structure and the Raven who was at the front of the group, who -despite how often tried to keep his composure- looked just as confused as the blond, if not more so. Most of it was a blur, he could hear the other phantom thieves discussing what was standing before them, but he hadn't absorbed any of the information. It was only until the loud murmurs of the caged shadows started heckling and dismissing the thieves that Ryuji truly snapped out of his daze.

"Let's kick some ass!" Ryuji took a step forward into an offensive stance, balling his fists angrily. He took one last look at Joker before glaring down the tarnished trophy, a small growl emitting from his throat. 

Queen started with the first blow, followed by Joker, Fox and finally the blond. They took a few rounds and the entire team seemed to have grown in confidence when a third of the trophy's health had already been knocked down, though, their egos had diminished in seconds as the shadows yelled and booed from their cages. The shadows were tolerable, what really put the team off their game was the monument it's self as it's overwhelming voice boomed across the dark red shrine, declaring itself the Holy Grail. 

After that moment everything seemed grim. The Holy Grail was constantly healing or attacking and no one seemed to have even made a dent. The whole group was gasping for air by the time the self proclaimed god had turned a reflective and luxurious gold, all of the thieves had a collective thought. It was all over for them. But they didn't know the half of it. 

One minute Ryuji was trapped in the dark, disgusting mess that was mementos. Then there was a blinding light, followed by a realization. There was a breeze, the sound of shuffling, traffic, people. And no, not shadows. People. His eyes slowly cracked open only to be met with another bright light, only this one he could deal with. As his eyes adjusted he realized this wasn't some dingy place in the Metaverse, he was in Shibuya. They were in Shibuya, the whole team was there, surprisingly in their normal clothes rather than their assorted Phantom Thieve getups. 

"T-the hell's going on?" He winced, eyes desperately scanning around. He quickly turned on his heels when he heard the cat speak up.  
"We must've been driven out by the Holy Grail" 

Ryuji furrowed his brows in both frustration and confusion, jumping slightly as a hand was placed onto his shoulder. It was Akira, after all, who else would it be? The blond's eyes locked with the other males sending nothing but a crash of worry though him. The warmth radiating off of Akira usually calmed him, always has and probably always will, but not now. Ryuji could see the look Akira had in his eyes, and it simply confirmed what they already knew. It was over for the Phantom Thieves. They lost. 

It was dead silent until a loud crack rang through the entire area, the ground shook and suddenly a tall, almost veiny looking pillar began growing out of the ground. Akira's hand quickly dropped from Ryuji's shoulder, immediately hooking around his waist to pull the blond closer. It was a natural defence he had developed a while back to ensure the blond's safety, and of course Ryuji didn't mind in the slightest. 

As the pillars and curls of materials similar to bones slowed their growth a pink haze formed around the sky dropping small pellets down. It was like rain, it would pool on the ground and roll into drain pipes and yet you couldn't feel it.  
"No way.. you've gotta be shittin' me"  
Ryuji briefly thought he had hit his head too hard off the ground and was hallucinating everything until he heard the other thieves mumbling about it in confusion. There was a low buzz of anxiety throughout the blond's system that made the hairs on his arm straighten up and the denial filled voices around him certainly wasn't helping 

"Man what great weather, wanna go for a drive?"  
"Hello? Yes, it's about tomorrow's preliminary meeting"  
"The announcement for the new smartphone's tonight!"  
"What were the Phantom Thieves all about anyway?"  
"Oh man, that brings back memories. I feel so dumb believing they existed"

Ryuji buried his nose into Akira's shoulder until a disgustingly familiar voice rang out making the blond perk his head up. It was the Holy Grail, confirming their defeat, explaining how with their failure the world and Metaverse had become one. Though the most traumatic part of the Holy Grail's self-righteous speech was that the Phantom Thieves were no more, they already knew it. It was inevitable. But how he put it was what burned the blond's very core, he spoke as if they never existed, like they were nothing. That he was nothing. 

Having nothing but to revel in their own self pity the Phantom Thieves all let out a collective sigh, their eyes falling downcast and then the redhead collapsed and the shit had once again hit the fan. Ryuji instinctively broke from Akira's grip, running over to Futaba with the raven close behind him anyway.  
"What's wrong?!" He asked, worry heavily coating his voice, only receiving a weak answer about her feeling 'woozy' followed by Ann telling her to grab on. Before the blond knew it Ann was down, and Yususke, Makoto, Morgana , Haru... and Akira. Akira was practically pinned to the ground, wincing in was Ryuji perceived to be pain because he felt it as well, he hadn't fully collapsed but it was as if a ton of bricks were being pushed down on every bone of his body. 

Ryuji quickly scampered over to the raven, desperately cupping Akira's face in his hands biting his lip at how much pain the raven seemed to be in. "That son of a bitch!" He growled, glaring up at the sky. "Goddammit! What's this creepy ass shit ab-" he tried to speak, he tried to move, but as soon as he hit the ground next to Akira everything was a struggle. He tried to push himself up with any force he had left in his body but it was all frivolous. 

He thought he was at the lowest he would ever feel until his hand suddenly had a surge of raw pain through it. "Ahhg- s-shit!" He choked out in agony. It was nothing he had ever felt before, it made the punches thrown by his father and the physical abuse from Kamoshida feel like a walk in the park. There was no worldly way to describe the sensation, each cell in his body was being ripped apart one by one, slowly but overwhelmingly strong.

Ryuji's free hand weakly reached out, grabbing onto Akira's shirt and holding onto it for dear life. His ears rang and his head was throbbing with pain and yet he could still feel the warm, slightly shaking hand that wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him into the raven's chest. He cried out, then he heard Panther's scream of pain, Queen, even Fox's and yet even with the horrifically loud screams of unfiltered agony he still heard the barely audible hushes of Akira, doing anything he can within the small range of motion and strength to try and soothe the blond. 

His hands. His arms. Chest. Head. Legs. Feet. Every last inch of Ryuji ached with torture as he desperately held onto Akira, well every inch that was left. Suddenly everything felt weightless. Everything except for his eyelids that were growing heavier with every millisecond. The last thing the blond could recall is opening his eyes slightly to Akira's tear stained shirt and then everything was gone. Though, unlike before there was no light, now there was nothing. Absolute emptiness until there wasn't. It was like the Big Bang all over again but instead of the universe it was nothing more than a depressing corner from who knees where. His entire world had gone from what he knew, to hell, to pain and now cold. It was just cold. 

Blues and greys covered the walls, he leaned against plush velvet padding as his eyes rolled over to the door, well, cell door. He was caged in, like an animal, like a heathen. And yet the blond was completely un-phased by it, he still felt nothing. Before now he felt nothing physically, but now he was emotionally drained, simply a shell of the chariot. Distant voices rang though the echoey -wherever he was... one voice being almost a low growl, one being high pitched and soft and one that was painfully familiar, the voice alone caused a pang of emotional pain surge through Ryuji's chest. 

Whoever was there was too damn far, all that was recognizable from his distance was a laugh, and something about a deal. Ryuji lost track of how long he was there, now long between pauses of voices speaking, voices that were getting closer and closer the longer he waited until everything went completely silent except for footsteps growing closer. The blond looked up from the ground to be met with a figure. Tall, hidden in the shadows and handsome from what could be seen behind a white mask. Joker. 

"Yo... looks like we're both somehow alive and kicking. But... where at?" 

No answer, simply an instruction to follow the male.  
Being the defiant he was, Ryuji simply ignored the comment, continuing the rant he had started, saying anything and everything that came to mind, after all, that's always what he's done. It wasn't until Akira talked him out of his own mind that he snapped out of the slight daze he had worked himself in. 

"It's... fine...?" He furrowed his brows in confusion looking up at the figure on the other side of the bars. "Heh, I guess you're right" he concurred, the slightest of smirks making its way into the blond's face. "It's not for nothin', we're doin' this to make sure people don't have to go through the shit we did" his eyes scanned Joker as if looking for approval before standing up as well, and there it was, a fire, a motivator. Before he knew it he was all in black, a red ascot around his neck and the trusty skull across the top half of his face, and just like that the cell door faded away.

Ryuji acted on instinct, wrapping his arms around the raven's neck burying his face into the inside of the popped up collar on the floor length coat that Akira wore. The blond's mental timer went off knowing very well he should let Akira go if they wanted to get out of here. But it just so happens that everything about that damned raven was intoxicating, the warmth of his body, the smoothness of his skin as Ryuji nuzzled into his neck slightly, hell, even the generic body wash smell that still lingered to him. The blond had originally presumed it was him letting the seconds tick as he relaxed into the other male but no, it was that along with a pair of arms tucking snuggly around the back of his waist. A moment, maybe two more had passed before Ryuji had finally convinced himself to let go of the raven, he placed a quick peck to Akira's cheek right below the mask he wore before backing away just enough so he could look at him directly. "I'm assumin' we're in a time crunch, yeah? So we probably get a move on."

Akira gave a single nod before Ryuji thought to speak up again "Uhm, two questions: where are we and where are the others..?" He asked Joker, concern clear in both his expression and voice. Akira ran a calming hand up and down the blond's back before trying to come up with a understandable answer. "Basically were in the Velvet Room, and I've found almost everyone. I'm still looking for Ann but everyone else is okay and waiting in the main area." He explained in the most simple manner he could to ensure the blond understood, after all even now Akira still didn't understand all the implications of the velvet room himself. 

Ryuji nodded slowly wether he got the idea or not. "I guess you should probably go and find Ann, huh? Plus, it was hell in there," he motioned to the open cell behind them with a sad smile. "I'm assumin' it's the same for others too, so it's probably best if she's out asap." The reasoning was more than valid and in all honesty made the raven's heart hurt a little to know his friends as well as his boyfriend had been stuck in their own metaphorical and literal confines. 

"I'll go meet up with the other guys, make sure everyone's holdin' up," Ryuji rested his hand on the raven's cheek, reaching up slightly to press a chaste kiss to the other males lips. "Be safe, alright" he felt Akira's grip loosen on his waist as he took a step back. "Oh and uh, thanks, for gettin' me outa my own head" Ryuji mumbled with a crooked smile before heading towards the long corridor. 

It wasn't long before Akira emerged with the other blond of the group having them all together in the strange vibrant blue room. It wasn't only the Phantom Thieves in the room, it was also a young looking blond holding a large book that looked about double her weight and a long nosed.. man? Nevertheless they were there, and definitely knew about the situation so Ryuji really couldn't complain if he was about to get some overdue answers. The majority of it was explaining that there had been an impersonator running the so called 'Velvet Room' and they had been pushing Akira one way or another through his time in Shibuya.

Despite the answers not everything was clear but the blond managed to put pieces together and when it was ensured that they had to go against the self righteous 'god' again Ryuji felt nothing but exhilaration at the idea that he could kick the teeth in of the asshole that had been leading Joker on this whole time. The group had been guided through a recognizable door from mementos only to be led to Shibuya, or at least, what was left of it..

Musky, morose, miserable, Mementos. Shibuya and Mementos had truly become one. It was revolting, the boney trails that spiralled around, the flooding red.. whatever it was. The fact that no one even noticed it was probably the most disturbing part of all. And yet there they were, cheating death for the umpteenth time. 

The sky bound trails were honestly the least of their worries, it was more the shadows, guards and their last fight that they were concerned about but soon enough the team staggered their way through, one member short due to the Akechi mishap. Nevertheless they were there, standing tall and united in front of the Holy Grail, that turned from a  long nosed 'Igor' to a over looming figure that had been by far taller than anything Ryuji had seen before.

It was bone chilling, facing off against the self proclaimed god that had beaten them once already. But now they were stronger, all of the thieves were to say the least, prepared, or so they though. Within minuets of fighting Ryuji was already winded. From jumping around for dodges to swinging his top heavy club His body was getting heavier and more exhausted by the second. Though, he carried on without much thought until the true battle began, the sins. The blond heard something about lust from Mona behind him and didn't think much of it until it had been used on Panther. 

Everyone knew Akira was handsome, it was a constant, no matter what time or where he was, the raven always looked perfect. But more importantly the thieves all understood and respected that Akira and Ryuji were undoubtedly an item, but the look Ann was giving the raven was anything but respectful. From the corner of his eye Ryuji could clearly point out the constant deepening red on her cheeks, the way her finger twirled a weft of her hair, the obviously fake giggles, hell even the slight pout in her lips was unmistakable.

The blond knew Ann. He knew very well she wouldn't do something like that intentionally, hell she was practically his wingman when he realized his affections for a certain raven and yet, his chest stung. It was like a pang of jealousy despite the lack of reasoning. Ryuji knew that this was all Yaldabaoth, it was obvious, not only is this unlike Ann, but Akira is loyal, through and through. He had nothing to worry about but his hands still tightened around his club, his toes curled into his steel toed boots and his nose crinkled slightly with deep seeded anger. Focus. Focus. Focus! 

The blond had a hard time keeping his eyes on their target, he would sneak a glance over now and then, only to shake himself out of the mindset moments later. His distracted state made him less concentrated and agile, but on the plus side his attacks hit a little harder with all of the frustration he had built up. After a few rounds of attacks it seemed that Ann had been winding down before fully snapping herself out of it. 

She shook her head, ponytails bouncing off her shoulders as she did so before snapping her whip and furrowing her brows towards the god like figure almost like nothing had happened. Most of the fight was a blur after that, Ryuji vaguely remembers being sickeningly hungry, he remembered Queen glaring at Joker any time he hit harder than she did and a couple of bells ringing, and that was the majority until he  hit the ground with a thud after a crash of lightning. "We... can't lose... like this.." he choked out, opening his eyes weakly to see the others in the same position he was. 

The feeling was... familiar... for some reason this "god" had a thing for pinning people to the ground with overwhelming and unseen forces. It was like before only now he wasn't right next to the raven, nor was he experiencing the crippling pain from before. Though, he snuck a peek at his hand just to be sure he was still in one piece. Ryuji struggled as he propped onto his elbows only to be struck once again by what he assumed was lightning, though, it was far more than what he could handle, even with his persona. 

There was dust flying, groans from Yuskuke Futaba and Haru as they tried to stand, and a deep voice booming across the field. It was far past 'grim' for them. They had lost, not once but twice to the same being and Ryuji had almost lost his resolve once again until a certain high pitched, usually annoying voice rung out.  
“Human hope is a desire too!”

The ringing in his ears blocked most of Morgana and Yaldabaoth's yelling match, though some parts weren't lost, especially not when distant voices cheered for them. They cheered for the Phantom Thieves. Suddenly his chest felt lighter. He could move, and so could Akira considering he was already back up to his feet. The rest of the group including Ryuji staggered their ways up to Joker's level all staring down the gleaming tower. The blond's eyes drifted over to his left, meeting Akira's gaze briefly before giving each other a small, synchronized nod. 

A predatory smirk made its way onto Skull's face as he teased the god with devilish eyes, "Hey god! 'Foolish' humans are prayin' down there. They're prayin' there's no place for someone like you in this world!" He shouted out with the rebellious shine never leaving his eyes. It had been far too long since he felt this alive. This free. It was the same thing he told Akira, that he felt free like this. He felt exited and exhilarated just to be at the raven's side. The feeling only flared deeper within him as Joker furthered his taunts. 

"You picked the wrong enemy"

The cheers got louder, more powerful, more hopeful. The Phantom Thieves had truly left their mark, and if they were going out, they were going out with a bang. Before he knew it Arsene had appeared behind Akira, chains floating around in the same manner when he first saw Akira summon him, Ryuji couldn't tell if it was nostalgia or excitement as the raven's mask shattered and vanished. He could see the look in his eye, and Ryuji knew that Akira was about to make that asshole pay. 

Blue flames surrounded the raven as the iron chains were pulled into his clutch and thrown. No, not thrown, shattered. It was probably some deep metaphor that his teacher would've talked about in class while he slept but now Ryuji couldn't take his eyes off of Akira. It was beautiful, all of it. From the second Arsene returned all the way till the huge demon lord appeared from the sky the blond was entranced with every little movement Akira made. The growl of the so called god caused him to look away from the raven as small beads of.. well in all honesty he had no idea what they were.. engulfed him, healing every ache in his body. Ryuji looked up to the white and gold figure preparing himself for the impact as he attacked the group again. Nothing. There was no pain. None of them were harmed.

The group was practically invincible as voices continued to cheer. Ryuji could swear he heard Captain Kidd chuckling with pride at the back of his head despite the persona change. The blond's gaze fell back onto Akira as for the first time in who knows how long he heard the usually quiet raven's voice explode out, taking Ryuji as well as the other Phantom Thieves by surprise. Next thing he knew there was a gun, a booming echo and then Yaldaboath, slowly fading to oblivion like they had done themselves. Serves that bastard right.

Skull couldn't help his excitement as a chalice slowly lowered before them. "Ain't that the treasure?! Right, Mona?" He asked, eyes lighting up before noticing the morose tone in the cat's voice. Normally the cat would insult him, and he would shoot it right back, but this.. this was different. Very much so. Morgana was being kind, calm, saying he admired them all until he slowly faded off the same as the god.  
Ryuji looked over to Akira who seemed completely indifferent to the situation. Like he knew it would happen. Ryuji swallowed hard before realizing the warmth coaxing up and down his legs. 

The blond jumped at the realization that they were standing in the flooding 'water'. Perhaps Ryuji would've been more prepared for it if he had felt the wetness of the liquid but there was none, just a bit of heat like it was a hot bath like the bath house across from LeBlanc. 

"What is this..?" Yususke's voice rang out as everyone turned to look at what exactly else there was to notice. But there everyone was, frozen. All the people in Shibuya were simply standing still as the clouds passed causing the water to shatter and the bones to disintegrate. It was strange, then again it was Mementos, or at least. It was Mementos. Ryuji's eyes widened as not only the curling paths started to fade away, but the cars. The signs. Even the people started to flicker apart, it shined in the sun, like snow tumbling upwards. 

“The whole world is a product of cognition...  
not just the Metaverse.  
It can be freely remade. Same goes for you, and everyone else.”  
"Dude, Mona..!" Morgana had returned causing the blond's breath to hitch. The cat was fading away too. Ryuji didn't understand. He didn't want to understand. He may have fought with that cat daily but he still didn't want him to fade away like everything else. Not again.  
The entire group ran towards Morgana only for the ground to shatter, stopping them in their path.  
“Soon a new world will come.  
One where mankind isn't held captive.  
The world will shine brightly as long as you hold hope in your hearts.  
Remember... there's no such thing as the "real" world.  
What each person sees and feels—“  
It was all too much. All too bright. Ryuji could barely register the raven next to him holding his hand up into the sky in hopes to reach the cat.  
“Those are what shape reality.”  
The blond rested his hand on the raven's shoulder in an attempt to help in any way he could even with his own confusion.  
This is what gives the world infinite potential.  
“Even if you feel that only darkness lies ahead... as long as you hold hands together... see it through as one...  
...The world will never end!  
The world exists within all of you..!”

 

Ryuji was getting sick of bright lights, because every single one held a new issue. Shibuya and Mementos combining, The Phantom Thieves being torn apart, Yaldabaoth bringing them to the brink of defeat, Morgana disappearing. It was never a good sign.  
People say you see a bright light when you die, some say when you go to heaven. For the blond it feels like he's being tossed into a new ring of hell every time. 

They were back in Shibuya, in their regular clothes only to hear that the Metanav had disappeared for good. Along with their personas. Along with Morgana... The blond gulped at the thought. no. Someone had to be strong, if not for the group than Ryuji would at the very least have to do it for himself. He reached down, intertwining his fingers with Akira's, giving it a reassuring squeeze.  
"...what're you all so gloomy for? Mona would laugh at us for it.."  
Chatter surrounded them. The whole group hoped desperately that they were able to make a change, yet it was hard to tell. It truly didn't sound any different from before but this time they had nothing to do but believe it would work out. 

A shiver and 'brrr' from Ann quickly changed the subject to the realization that it was snowing. "No wonder it's cold." The blond mused, blinking in confusion as his and Akira's hands were separated only for the raven to wrap his arm around Ryuji's shoulder. Ryuji willingly leaning into the raven both appreciating the contact and warmth radiating off of him. Something was finally starting to go right this Christmas Eve. He sighed happily, biting down on his lip as he tried to stop the growing grin on his face as small flakes of snow started gathering in Akira's dark curls. 

"Hey, it'll be Christmas, so why don't we do a last celebration party?!" Ann asked excitedly evoking nods and smiles around the group  
"I like the sound of that! There better not be anyone that's got plans already" Ryuji agreed with a bright smile. Yes, he was hoping for some alone time with Akira but they needed to kick back one last time anyway, besides, with winter break in full gear he had tons of free time that he could spend with the raven. 

The group started dispersing when plans were set until it was just Ryuji and Akira. They had started walking off in a random direction until something had seemingly caught Akira's attention. Ryuji had gotten the explanation that the other male had some unfinished business he had to take care of. Did that set off some spikes of concern? Absolutely. But when Akira confirmed that he was indeed okay, Ryuji decided it best not to press for details, or at least not yet. The blond decided to make use of his time by checking on his mother after everything that happened to ensure her safety. "Text me, okay?" He insisted before reaching up, pressing a quick kiss to then raven's lips. He saw Akira off with a wave before heading into the subway station and out of the cold. 

Ryuji hadn't been at home long before receiving a notification on his phone that caused his face to flush. Thankfully his mother was quite trusting as long as he followed her generally vague rules when out to his boyfriends house alone and late. Then again,  what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her he thought despite the guilt that he felt after thinking it. This however, was not one of those nights. This was the two of them bundled up together with countless blankets a rented movie playing and the space heater buzzing quietly in the background as they soaked in each others warmth. Ryuji cuddled into the raven's chest while the other males hand rested comfortably on the blond's hip. Though, despite the peaceful and domestic atmosphere something felt.. wrong.. the raven would continuously check his phone despite never having a notification. 

"Akira.. you seem, I dunno, off. Is somethin' wrong?"  
There was a pause and then a generic but quiet "no". That was it, no follow up. No clever return. Just "no"  
"Believe it or not, I'm not a complete idiot Akira," Ryuji explained, pausing briefly between statements. "I can tell when you're hiding something from me" 

The silence said it all. Ryuji swallowed hard, untangling himself from the mess of blankets, and climbing out of the bed. "I think I should go, y'know before I miss the last train of the night. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He confirmed in a light tone before showing himself out. Ryuji grumbled under his breath all the way to his apartment only to fall onto his bed dramatically when he got back to his own room. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be in Akira's room. Surrounded by blankets, making hot chocolate to fight the cold, watching movies on the raven's shitty box television. He just wanted to be with Akira, but the tension was building the later it got and he couldn't take it. Hell, Akira didn't even try to stop him from leaving. 

Half way through his mental tangent Ryuji received a notification from a certain raven.  
A: I'm sorry about earlier, Ryuji, but I totally understand if you're mad.  
R: it's fine.  
It wasn't.  
R: and no, I'm not pissed, don't worry.   
Okay, it wasn't a complete lie. No, it really wasn't fine for him to just leave Ryuji in the dark like that, nor was it okay to let him walk off without a word but he wasn't exactly mad at Akira, if anything he was mad at himself for leaving like that. He could've suffered through the tension if it meant spending a bit more time in LeBlanc.  
A: thank god. I don't know what I would've done if you'd been mad at me on Christmas.  
Ryuji wasn't sure why but suddenly everything felt a lot lighter. Talking to Akira just did that, it made him feel more relaxed no matter what the topic.  
R: eve* ;)  
R: tomorrow's the big day. Don't forget to ask boss about the party.  
A: oh, speaking of tomorrow...  
Ryuji cocked a brow towards the screen.  
A: can you come by a bit earlier? There's something important you should know.  
R: important? Can't ya just tell me now?  
A: I think this should be said in person.  
Shit. Shit. Shit.  
Okay okay, calm down! You just beat the shit out of a god. One little conversation couldn't hurt. The blond was panicking. What could be so bad that he needed to say it in person. What could've been so bad that he presumably had to hide it until now.  
A: hold on. Call me.  
R: like now?  
A: yeah is that alright?  
R: mhm. Just needed to make sure.  
The blond instinctively started dialing the number, swallowing hard after the raven picked up almost immediately.  
"Hey"  
"Hi. Look, I know it's sudden It's just something that needs to be said."  
"O-oh. Uh, yeah alright." Within seconds Ryuji's voice had already betrayed him.  
"So can you stop by earlier tomorrow? You know, before the others start showing up?" 

"Sure. Uh, when do you want me to stop by?" The blond's stomach was doing flips and by this point he genuinely couldn't tell if he was going to throw up from anxiety or not. 

"Does 9 work? Wait. No. 8... is that okay?"  
Why was Akira second guessing himself? He was always so composed and assured of his decisions and the switch in plans only made Ryuji worry more. 

"8? Um, yeah alright. I-I'll be there."  
"I'm sorry again, I know it's probably really really bad timing but, I just have.. reasons... why it has to be then."  
"I.. I get it, Akira. It's fine."  
Ryuji could hear a rhythmic flow of footsteps through his side of the call. Was Akira pacing?  
There was a brief silence before Akira spoke up again 

"Look I have some last minute stuff to do. I... I'll see you tomorrow,"  
Ryuji could hear Akira gulping quietly  
"Love you."  
"Yeah, love you too. Night."  
"Goodnight."  
Ryuji had been the first to hang up. He tossed his phone onto the bed with a sigh as he started up at the ceiling. What the eff could possibly have the raven this stressed out. 

The next morning couldn't come fast enough. Ryuji had barley gotten any sleep with how much he was worrying. It was just as cold today, if not colder. The blond could see frost forming on LeBlanc's windows as he approached the building. He had expected to be engulfed in warmth when he stepped inside but not from the raven practically sprinting out of the doors, wrapping his arms tightly around the blond as soon as he saw him. 

Thankfully this had relived some stress. Not all. But some. 

"C-can we head inside? It's freezing out here.." the blond stuttered, burying deeper into Akira's chest.  
"That's what you get for only wearing a sweater." Was the snide comeback he had received despite being led into the café. It was warm despite the chill outside, the café was completely empty and spotless, which made sense considering it was still closed. 

"So.. uh. What was this important news you had to tell me?"  
The clever smirk that had once been on Akira's face immediately dropped. "You find us somewhere to sit. I'll get some drinks." He quickly changed the subject grabbing a jar of coffee beans off the shelf along with cocoa powder for the blond. 

Ryuji sat across from Akira with narrowed eyes as the raven open and closed his mouth almost he was trying to form words that wouldn't come out. "I.. uh," the raven sighed rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. "I can't keep beating around the bush.. I'm.. Apparently the police think it's safest for me to get arrested again." He admitted eyes falling downcast.  
Ryuji blinked in confusion "uh, w-what? You're.. you're just joking around. Right dude?" 

Ryuji waited for the punchline, for the joke. But it never came. Akira just stared at him sympathetically. "No.. you.. you can't seriously be doing this. How? Why? When?" Akira swallowed and Ryuji watched his Adam's Apple bob slightly. "Sometime before lunch. I'm not sure when they're showing up exactly. That's why I had you come early, I.. I thought you should know ahead of time so you don't just show up with the others and I'm gone.." 

It was silence. Ryuji stared down at his lap, Akira looked towards him waiting for an answer of some form, though all he got was the blond suddenly sniffing and wiping his eye with the back of his hand. "That's.. that's fucking stupid..!" Akira was taken aback by the blond's wording, he was genuinely shocked that Ryuji even had the word fuck in his vocabulary. "Why the hell are you agreeing?!" 

Akira stood up from his seat at the booth, switching sides so he was sitting next to the blond. "It's.. it's just to make sure none of this leads back to you and the others. I'm sorry it had to be like this but.. it's just how it is" the raven explained, rubbing circles into the blond's back. Ryuji had been staring straight down so he wouldn't do anything to embarrass himself, though, Akira was only making it harder and harder . Eventually the blond gave in, desperately clutching onto the raven's shirt, "y-you're an idiot..!" He choked out through his quivering lip. 

"Not if it means you're safe." Akira denied, pressing a light peck onto the blond's forehead. Ryuji should've seen it coming. The first guy, hell, the first person who's given a shit about him in god knows how long is being sentenced to jail time, for what? Helping everyone? Changing the hearts of criminals? Saving everyone from voting a madman into the diet building?  
"Please. Don't do it" Ryuji bit down on his lip, keeping the raven's shirt tight in his grip. He probably sounded pathetic, but in all honesty he didn't care. Ryuji did not want Akira to practically vanish as well for who knows how long, months, years, decades? The thought was haunting. 

"Ryuji, trust me, this was the only way"  
The only way, huh? The only way was to just up and leave? The only way was to tell the blond possibly minuets before he had to leave?  
Ryuji loosened his grip on the Raven's shirt, leaning against the booth. "I'm always backin' up your decisions. But this... hell no. You sound like an idiot." Ryuji paused, raising his eyes up to Akira's "no, you sound like an asshole. Why're you only tellin' me this now, huh? Why did you agree for everyone to come over?!" Ryuji grew gradually more frustrated, he barely even registered the raven's hands being placed on his own, but they were there.

Despite Ryuji's raising tone Akira remained quiet, "I only found out last night."  
The blond's expression dropped from frustrated to confused within seconds "w-wait what?"  
"Ryuji, I found out last night. That 'unfinished business' it was Sae-san telling me that I should... you know... I wanted to tell you last night, I just wasn't sure how." Ryuji supposed the stories lined up. It made sense why Akira had been acting strange and why he needed the blond here earlier. 

"Why today of all days though, They're seriously takin' you in on Christmas? It's bullshit." There wasn't really a verbal answer, just Akira sighing with a subtle nod like the thought pained him. Well it probably did, after all it was painful to the blond too. The silence after stayed for a while, Ryuji leaned into Akira, resting his head on his shoulder. Neither kept track of time but eventually the front door flew open, the blond braced himself before recognizing the choked up voice

"S-Sojiro just told me that... that you're leaving.. and being sent to—" the redhead who burst through the doors didn't finish her sentence, she simply tried to hold back a sob towards the end of it. Not long after, the entrance bell rung again as Futaba's guardian walked in after her. The room kept getting tenser and tenser.

Boss didn't say anything, not for a while. Ryuji could hear the shuffling behind the counter as he looked over to see Sojiro picking up his apron before ultimately placing it back down. "I'll just keep the shop closed for now.. you guys take all the time you need." He mumbled solemnly  
Ryuji didn't know much about Akira and Futaba's guardian but he did know that despite his appearance he was companionate, and knew what needed to be said and done in tough situations. 

Futaba asked mostly the same questions that the blond had already, so while she sniffled, sobbed and eventually got her answers Ryuji kept quiet, keeping his fingers interlocked with Akira's under the table of the booth. "Do you seriously have to go? I mean can't you say n-" the redheads eyes widened suddenly, causing Ryuji to turn towards the door. A tall woman stood there, she was dressed in a formal pantsuit, grey hair resting on one of her shoulders. Behind her stood a brunette, a brain around the crown of her head, pea coat jacket slim fit black jeans and boots to finish it all off. Sae and Makoto Nijima. 

Ryuji instinctively, wrapped his fingers tightly on the seam of Akira's shirt, screwing his eyes shut and shaking his head as if trying to convince Akira to not look. To not leave. Akira notices the reaction, pulling the blond into his chest pressing a small peck to Ryuji's forehead.  
"I need to go, I'm sorry Ryuji."

By now it was inevitable. He nor Futaba could change Akira's mind, and it was just a waiting game. Ryuji lifted his chin up, catching the raven's gaze which caused his bottom lip to quiver. Despite this Ryuji still reached up, pulling Akira's lips to his own for the last time for who knows how long. Hi vision went blurry as the raven pulled away after a bit, moving his lips to his ear as Ryuji burrowed himself into Akira's chest.

"I love you." 

It made his chest hurt. How genuine the raven sounded, how pained he seemed to be leaving so suddenly. "I.. I love you too." he mumbled back despite being muffled by the other males shirt. The words came so naturally. Ryuji didn't even need to think about it, he truly did feel that way towards Akira and yet here he was, being pulled away from him. 

An awkward cough across the room caused reality to set it deeper. "I, um, I hate to ruin such a sentimental moment but we really must be going" Sae-san cut in, keeping her eyes low despite her powerful presence in the room. Ryuji could feel Akira nod before feeling the arms around him loosen and slip away. The blond dared to look up, having his last glance towards the door being Makoto tearing up while her sister and Akira stepped out quietly. 

The four of them were quiet, no one dared to make a peep. Futaba had her face buried in her knees sniffling now and then, Makoto had been staring at how her coffee swirled for quite some time as if she would do anything to distract herself from the over-looming sadness and Ryuji.. well Ryuji had his arms folded on the table, hiding his face in the pocket that he had created. He felt like he had been ripped to shreds again.

A blue and grey haze covered all thoughts but ones of Akira, he leaned against leather seating as his eyes rolled over to the door, well, frost covered door. He felt caged in, like an animal, like a heathen in his own mind. But this time the blond was completely devastated by it, he felt nothing and everything at once. This time yesterday he felt nothing physically, but now he was both drained and filled to the brim with emotions, he was once again simply a shell of the chariot.


End file.
